


an exercise in self-care

by sleeves



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Established Relationship, KenHina if u squint, Long-Distance Relationship, M/M, No Plot/Plotless, One Shot, Sad Akaashi Keiji, Slice of Life, platonic akaken, self-care
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-18
Updated: 2020-11-18
Packaged: 2021-03-10 05:01:45
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,465
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27618062
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sleeves/pseuds/sleeves
Summary: In which Akaashi sees him everywhere but never where he wants him to be.
Relationships: Akaashi Keiji/Bokuto Koutarou, Akaashi Keiji/Kozume Kenma
Comments: 2
Kudos: 55





	an exercise in self-care

**Author's Note:**

> posting this before i change my mind!! this is my first fic and idk how to write but please enjoy <3333
> 
> i saw this [tweet](https://twitter.com/koucheese/status/1322494941814161408) and i was so sad so i sort of made it happy? Beautiful art from this [ talented artist](https://twitter.com/koucheese) :) i would not have written this if i didn't see your art on my timeline. thank you!

Akaashi likes to think he understands.

Understands that his boyfriend is a professional athlete who has insane schedules he doesn’t have any control of. One day he’s in Osaka and the next week he’s playing in France, which also means the sky could be painted pink and orange in Tokyo but black and starless at the other end of the globe.

He finishes the coffee he’s drinking and sighs. They are miles and time zones away and Akaashi likes to think he’s okay with it. 

Of course he isn’t. 

And as if to add insult to injury, he looks out from their apartment and sees Bokuto’s face--bright eyes and bright smile shining right at him. 

He thinks it’s unfair, how Bokuto brought him to this eight-storey building and called this room _theirs_ . How he specifically chose this building and this floor and this _damn_ room with the window facing at just the right angle to see the damn _billboard_ that never talks back. 

_“Akaashi! It’s me! Can you believe it! Now you’ll always see me!”_

_“You’re my phone wallpaper, Bokuto-san.”_

He remembers Bokuto excitedly pointing at the 14-foot advertisement of himself, recalls a chest pressed against his back and an arm wrapped around him, fingers brushing against the skin at the top of his waistband. If he closes his eyes he might relive the weight of Bokuto’s sharp chin on his shoulder, the warm breath tickling his neck. 

Akaashi blinks and looks at the Bokuto that doesn’t know how to speak. He used to think it was cute, now it just feels like it’s mocking him.

The room is quiet with only the sound of longing ringing in his ears. 

He decides to leave before he gets depressed. 

He texts Kozume.

+++++

The train ride to Kozume’s house should have helped ease the tension Akaashi feels on his shoulders. It should have been quiet and forgettable if not for the flash of familiar silver hair pushed backwards, a grin he would call sleazy if he didn’t know any better. Kuroo was responsible for the hair-gel advertisement that Bokuto easily agreed to. 

_“Akaashi, will you please tell him his hair looks sexy pushed back.”_

_“Bokuto-san, your hair looks sexy pushed back.”_ Not a lie.

_“Akaaaaashi! Not here! Not in front of Tetsurou! Now I just want to--”_

He shoves the memory away and quickly steps out of the train, making sure he avoids any more still-life Bokutos. 

Akaashi is almost at Kozume’s before he remembers to be polite. It’s not that Kozume requires it nor is it an indication that they aren’t that close (they are, really), it’s just a tiny habit he carries before he visits anyone else’s home. 

The convenience store he passed by welcomes him, its bright fluorescent lights a stark contrast to the fading sky. There’s a six-pack beer he grabs with hesitation, a box of apple pie he chooses for Kozume. Akaashi eyes the aisles for anything else he might buy until he spies a magazine of someone he vaguely remembers. 

_Oh, it’s the setter from Seijoh._

He picks the magazine and flips through the pages and instantly regrets it. His thumb traces the tiny column on the bottom corner. There, a cheeky smile beaming at him in the unapologetic, glossy, print, the letters “MSBY Ace” in bold. 

He tucks the page and pays for his things. 

Later on, Akaashi makes a mental note to avoid this route when he visits Kozume next time. 

+++++

“Oh”

The moment Kozume opens the doors and notices Akaashi’s expression, he understands. Probably knew just from the hasty text message he sent earlier. It’s the reason why Akaashi decided to visit Kozume instead of Konoha or Udai. 

With Kozume, communication came in the presence--and sometimes absence--of each other. They see it at the small tense of shoulders, at eyes more tired than usual, hears it at footsteps walking too slow or too quickly. Akaashi used to think it was a “setter-thing”, but now he knows it’s just the foundation of their friendship, as easy as leaves falling onto pavement.

Kozume grabs the apple pie and leads the way, all the while humming in contemplation.

Akaashi drops his things and settles himself under the kotatsu, slides himself inside until the edge of the blanket reaches his chin.

“That bad, huh”

“Not as bad as when Hinata left for Brazil”, Akaashi huffs in the warm comforter, “At least I _still sleep_.”

Well, at least he tries to. He hasn’t really slept peacefully since Bokuto left three days ago. He’d check his phone obsessively for any messages, fill his time with work until there’s nothing left to edit. Sure, they texted and called but sometimes practices would be too long and by the time Bokuto’s free, Akaashi is asleep on an empty bed. So he fights the drowsiness and hates himself for wasting time. 

They have a video call scheduled tomorrow, but Akaashi isn’t sure why his stomach ties itself into knots.

 _Am I being selfish? Needy?_ Bokuto has a million things to do and yet Akaashi squeezes himself in his schedule. 

At the back of his mind he wonders if maybe Bokuto will find someone else, if maybe someday he’ll grow tired of the distance and choose someone who can keep up with him. He trusts Bokuto’s fidelity with all his heart, but his brain does a little dance and thinks that maybe, just _maybe_ , Bokuto will meet someone at the beach or the bar and they’ll laugh and they’ll spin and stumble into be--

His thoughts abruptly stop at the hard drop of the beer can on his head. 

“Idiot.”

Before Akaashi can complain, Kozume lifts the blanket and snuggles beside him, the warmth of Kozume’s shoulder brushing his own reminds him he doesn’t always have to be alone with his thoughts.

+++++

Sometimes, Akaashi just has to suck it up.

_I only ever see you on billboards nowadays. I miss you. A lot._

He doesn’t scream it to the 14-ft. Bokuto outside his window, doesn’t whisper it against the glare of his phone, instead, he admits it at the boy--bright-eyed and breathing--who loves him back, separated only by questionable WiFi connections and a screen too small to hold the enormity of what he feels.

Akaashi has a moment to see Bokuto’s surprised golden eyes and the pink creeping up to his cheeks until the screen changes back to Bokuto’s icon, the app flashing “Disconnected”.

He tries to call back but the call doesn’t even register.

After a few moments, his phone rings with an unknown number.

“Koutarou?”

“Ya know, you better learn to say that more often. Yer boyfriend threw his phone at the ceilin’.”

“Why do you have my number?”

“For moments like this, obviously.” Akaashi could almost see the smirk and the eye-roll.

“Bokkun! I got ya boyfriend on the line!” 

There’s a crackling on his line and he hears the faint “Tsum-Tsum!” and exchange of words and finally, Bokuto’s excitement.

“AKAAAASHIIII”, Bokuto makes no attempt to hide his joy, “Did you really say that? Do you really miss m--”

“Yes, Bokuto-san. I miss you. I can’t wait for you to come back.” Akaashi smiles and makes sure Bokuto hears it. 

That night he finds out Bokuto broke his phone during their video call. Bokuto says the floor hit it. 

+++++

It doesn’t happen as quickly as Akaashi wished it would, but he learns to fill the empty spaces in the apartment, learns to fill it in ways that no longer hurt. 

He buys houseplants and puts them where there’ll be enough light in the room, fills the house with music Bokuto tells him they’ll dance to, and even tries Hinata’s advice to start yoga. 

When he leaves the apartment, he doesn’t run away from silver hair and golden eyes and still-life smiles. Instead, he learns to look at them head-on, remembers the warmth on the other side of the world, waiting to come home to him. 

He learns to spend more time with people instead of his antsy thoughts. Learns to play Among Us with Kozume, spends time plotting stories and conflict with Udai-senpai, and sometimes he even has dinner at Onigiri Miya. 

He makes lists of all the places they’ll go. The coffee shop a few blocks from their apartment would be nice, a trip to the park or Disneyland would definitely be fun. Akaashi smiles and thinks of inviting Kozume and Hinata too. 

And perhaps best of all, he learns to say things he feels without feeling like a burden. Well, not all the time, but Akaashi’s working on it. 

He looks at the oversized-Bokuta grinning straight at him from their window, and smiles.

When he comes back, the life-sized one, Akaashi will open the door and say _okaeri_.


End file.
